My plan was to update my blog titled This Can’t Be My action was to cry.
Face of Parkinson's Disease?
Tag Archive - family
This can’t be
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
Sounds like a excerpt from a chapter from one of Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s books on dealing with grief. She says grief will occur when one looses a goal that is of importance to them. I used to teach this in Lamaze classes because I knew people might grieve if their labor and birth didn’t go as they’d imagined. (sadly I now believe that preparing people to expect to not have pain in labor was setting them up for grief)
Some people keep personal things within families quiet. Especially when dealing with health issues and family crisis situations. My Mother raised me to not discuss Religion/ Politics/ or Money. She also felt that things about health and family were also to be kept private. I just don’t agree; how can people engage in deep relationships without the discussion of the topics that make us who we are?
There have been several 180° turns in my life. Most often they included the topics above. Previous posts go into my journey which included marrying Tommy when I was only 15. Immediately changing social economic situations. Becoming a Mother when I was 18. Becoming a Christian at 21. Falling away from my relationship with Jesus and returning more passionately while in my 30s. Being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and becoming a grand mother in my 40s.
In my 50′s I’ve been learning grace from humility and significance from loss.
I believe my compassion for others has increased greatly due to my own suffering. And that’s a good thing!!
Now the shock that is causing me to again have to “walk by faith” to re examine all the promises I cling to; especially Romans 8:28.
“We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God-those whom he has called according to his plan”
Our youngest son has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. He is only 33. He is the Father of our precious Grand daughter.
This post is to be continued.
This is so hard :(
Still shedding some tears. I just can’t imagine that I am writing about loosing our beloved Golden Retriever just 6 weeks after posting about the loss of our 18 year old Kitty.
Blog post I wrote then:
Just two weeks after burying Tommy’s Dad. But here I am typing and crying at the same time.
Initially we thought “Bus” was grieving the loss of her lifetime companion “Kitty”. Yet in hindsight I see that she too was dying. A couple of times in the past few weeks I’ve thought “Oh No, not my dog too”! So I think in the back of my mind I knew she was going all the while attributing her decline to her own grief, her allergies and her advancing age.
By the end of last week we pretty much had no doubt. We’d hoped to wait until the end of the weekend to get her to the vet knowing we’d be hearing news we didn’t want to have to accept. By Sunday morning there was no option of waiting. We took her to the emergency care Veterinarian. They were so compassionate and so kind.
I have a lot more to share about our Sweet Bus yet I’m not ready to offer up her tribute yet. So I’ll share some favorite pictures as a sort of obituary and work on a more fitting post about her life later.
RIP Bus 2000-2011
A Cinderella Story
Breanna & her Papaw
We love our 7 year old Grand daughter. We’ve worked hard to keep her exposed to the Arts. She has been in dance lessons since the age of 3. During the past couple of years she has really loved opportunities to perform in front of an audience. Recitals, and a couple parts in a local production of The Nutcracker have given her much delight.
A few weeks ago our daughter in law called and said that Breanna’s dance teacher had ask if she could participate in a unique opportunity to dance as part of the pre show for a professional ballet company The Ballet Magnificant. The dance was going to be to Steven Curtis Chapman’s song “Cinderella“. And it was going to require that either Breanna’s Daddy or her Papaw danced along with her. Breanna’s Daddy works 2nd shift so he had a good excuse to not be available. Her Papaw couldn’t stand the thought of Breanna being unable to dance so he surprised all of us by saying that he would dance the part of her Daddy in the song.
This turned out to be one of the highlights of our lives. I couldn’t video the actual performance due to distracting others. But between my daughter in law and myself we did get a video of the dress rehearsal. And some precious pictures.
Hope this home video touches you just 1/8th as much as the real thing did everyone that watched. Breanna told me later that people watching back stage were actually crying real tears because they liked she & Papaw dancing so much!
Tangible Love
“But there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”
Nearing the end of worship at church Tommy left the sanctuary to get Breanna from Sunday school so she could partake of communion with us.
I’ve been dealing with extra fatigue as of recent; thus I was purposely not standing while praising God like I normally do.
One of my precious friends was sitting next to me. She began to get up for a song and noticed that I wasn’t standing. Instead of getting up she reached her hand over and grasp mine. She and I praised the Lord in song together.
Her gesture was filled with Christ Jesus Himself.
Later today I began to ponder the depth of the love we share as brothers and sisters in Christ and joint heirs together with Israel together in the inheritance promised by the Messiah Jesus through the gospel. I’ve experienced this tangible expression of love at other times with friends. And it’s always been with those who are my brothers and sisters! I began to feel sad for people who don’t share in such a depth of closeness either with friends or their own families.
Are you lonely? Have you a friend who sticks closer than a brother? Do you know that becoming a part of the body of Christ allows you immediate access to such relationships? When you receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior you immediately are born into a family of believers. It’s something I honestly don’t think the world (non-believers) are able to grasp.
Yet my sister expressed that tangible love towards me today and I am simply touched.
Today from tears to praise
Today I woke knowing I was still exceptionally down physically. And I’d even fallen asleep pretty much when Tommy did that’s unusual as he goes to sleep and I stay in bed watching podcasts, reading facebook or watching Netflix. Tommy is one of those guys who shuts his eyes and is snoring sweetly within minutes. He has kindly allowed gadgets and laptops in bed with us. As long as I turn down the brightness and use ear buds. ((there have been occasions when I’ve laughed so hard that it has kept him awake)) but that’s not my story tonight.
After falling asleep earlier than usual I’d hoped to wake feeling well enough to enjoy doing some things around the house with Tommy today. If you only knew how selflessly good he is to me you might also know why I desire to feel my best to make the time we’re able to spend together blessed.
Yet, when I awoke I was very sore and achy.The lower backache that so often goes along with a urinary tract infection. And if I had a uti that would explain my serious fatigue of recent. Also would be the explanation for the night up with bladder spasms earlier this week. Sadly this morning things were worse. The fatigue, the pain, the lack of ability. The sun shining outside only caused me more disappointment regarding my inabilities. Tommy is so kind, he just wants me to be happy. Even propped up on the sofa with my mac or my ipad. If he knows I’m enjoying myself in any way and content- he’s happy. He was working in the back yard with a project he’s desired to begin working on since its begun to get warm. He needs to tear down much of the deck work my Father did maybe 40 years ago so it can be replaced w/ wood that is not rotting and buckling making it very treacherous for my dragging feet to walk over. Today was the beginning of that project for him and he was taking down the lattice work rails. I wanted to either be out there with him or inside accomplishing some things to help our house seem tidied up.
But I soon found myself laying on my bed crying. I don’t cry! {Seriously it’s just not my normal response} Yet I was and needed to quickly get over it, knowing that Tommy finding me crying would break his heart. (of course he knows me all to well and would later see that I had been) I prayed, I ask God to please please help me focus on others and gain the strength I needed just to enjoy some home time w/ my wonderful husband. I took some meds that I am prescribed for MS fatigue- this I apparently don’t do enough.. somehow thinking that taking the drugs is going to turn into something I have to do to get through the day, and THIS I DON’T WANT. But I knew I needed the help today.
Because of your prayers, my prayers and the meds, things began to come together. I was able to send a card to a dear sister who has recently lost her Mother. I was able to reach out to some online who I know are hurting and needed prayer and a kind word. I was able to make Tommy some nice ice tea and prepare him some food. Several things got done. I laid down thinking I would now be exhausted for the afternoon/evening. Right away our niece and her precious son stopped in. He’s so cute see the pictures below:
Our precious Great Nephew Eli
After they left I said to Tommy “put your shoes back on.. we’re going to get the groceries we need” This was something Tommy had wanted me to do last night and I was unable.
While at the store Breanna (Granddaughter) telephoned to see if we wanted her to come over to spend the night before church tomorrow. Initially I told her that Granny was just not feeling so well and that we’d try to pick her up on the way to church tomorrow. Well she then reminded me with the sweetest voice “Remember- before you call the Dr. Call me because I’m your good medicine”
"Remember before you call the Dr. Call me- I'm good medicine"
Oh how we love that child. We called and picked her up on the way home from the grocery. She’s tucked in beside me sound to sleep. And you know what? I’m at the moment feeling better and very thankful that I was able to accomplish some things today.
Many people who deal w/ chronic illness find that even talking on the phone is too much effort. I’ve heard people say that it’s way easier for them to type than to talk, and sometimes that is my situation. I cannot explain the fatigue associated with multiple sclerosis…. Except to say that the air itself is heavy. Every movement even thought is done through weighted air. So it’s not that one is tired or sleepy.. but just unable to move through that heavy thick air to do the things I want to do. And when I’m having a particularly rough time due to fever or the heat outside then it is even hard for me to sit upright. That’s when I’m horizontal or sideways surfing.
That’s my story for today and I know some who will surely relate.
“Remember your word to your servant
in which you have made me hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction,that your promise gives me life.
Before I was afflicted I went astray,
but now I keep your word.
You are good and do good;
teach me your statutes, with my whole heart I keep your precepts;but I delight in your law.
It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes.
The law of your mouth is better to me
than thousands of gold and silver pieces.
Your hands have made and fashioned me;
give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.
Those who fear you shall see me and rejoice,
because I have hoped in your word.
I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous,
and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
Let your steadfast love comfort me
according to your promise to your servant.
Let your mercy come to me, that I may live;
for your law is my delight.
Forever, O Lord, your word
is firmly fixed in the heavens.
Your faithfulness endures to all generations;
you have established the earth, and it stands fast.
By your appointment they stand this day,
for all things are your servants.
If your law had not been my delight,
I would have perished in my affliction.
I will never forget your precepts,
for by them you have given me life.
I am yours; save me,
for I have sought your precepts.
I am severely afflicted;
give me life, O Lord, according to your word!
Accept my freewill offerings of praise, O Lord,
and teach me your rules.
I hold my life in my hand continually,
but I do not forget your law.
I rise before dawn and cry for help;
I hope in your words.
My eyes are awake before the watches of the night,
that I may meditate on your promise.
Hear my voice according to your steadfast love;
O Lord, according to your justice give me life.”
Verses Quoted from Psalm 119 ESV
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Tech at it’s best for Grand parents
Every Grand parent should have Face Time or Skype to be in touch with their grand kids.
- To have a before school video chat
- Your grand kids can show you their new art project in real time
- The excitement of seeing their smile when they loose their 1st tooth
- Sharing of ideas (with my SparklesGlittern- a new dance move- she’s developing)
- Your grand child can read a book to you
- The ability to have sweet before bedtime ritual’s
- Nite Nite kisses
- And my favorite of all: When they want to video chat just to say “I love you”
Heart Melting
You can do this now with FaceTime which can be installed on a new iPod touch or an iPhone 4 or any Mac running Snow Leopard. Or you can just use skype on your PC. Both of these services allow you to talk (when on wifi) without adding to your used minutes. Remember although I’m showing a gallery of screen shots I took while Face Timing with the Grandkids that this is real time video.
Just like the Jetsons!
Then your 7 yr old grand daughter can ask ” Me Maw what are the Jetsons?”
F
The joy of making deposits
We’re Grandparents and love it! Our youngest son married a woman who had a four year old son; so we inherited “Jacob” and don’t get to see him near enough. Although he lives with Tony & Laura, he spends most weekends with his Dad. And of course you hear about our little Breanna all the time:) I’ve even created a twitter account for her (so she’ll have her one w/ her “stage name” once she becomes famous 
One of the biggest joys of Grand parenting is creating great memories for the kids to place in their “memory banks”. My memory bank is all tucked away in files in my brain. I have many files that I can retrieve in my mind at will. But with the technology available now we can help these deposits be more tangible by placing pictures and videos online.
Last week we had one of those great opportunities to help them make deposits of sledding. I’m unable to do the physical aspects of the hill climbing and sledding, yet I am blessed to be able to be the official photographer and maker of the archives for their memory banks. Thought I’d share this day with you.
