Today I woke knowing I was still exceptionally down physically. And I’d even fallen asleep pretty much when Tommy did that’s unusual as he goes to sleep and I stay in bed watching podcasts, reading facebook or watching Netflix. Tommy is one of those guys who shuts his eyes and is snoring sweetly within minutes. He has kindly allowed gadgets and laptops in bed with us. As long as I turn down the brightness and use ear buds. ((there have been occasions when I’ve laughed so hard that it has kept him awake)) but that’s not my story tonight.
After falling asleep earlier than usual I’d hoped to wake feeling well enough to enjoy doing some things around the house with Tommy today. If you only knew how selflessly good he is to me you might also know why I desire to feel my best to make the time we’re able to spend together blessed.
Yet, when I awoke I was very sore and achy.The lower backache that so often goes along with a urinary tract infection. And if I had a uti that would explain my serious fatigue of recent. Also would be the explanation for the night up with bladder spasms earlier this week. Sadly this morning things were worse. The fatigue, the pain, the lack of ability. The sun shining outside only caused me more disappointment regarding my inabilities. Tommy is so kind, he just wants me to be happy. Even propped up on the sofa with my mac or my ipad. If he knows I’m enjoying myself in any way and content- he’s happy. He was working in the back yard with a project he’s desired to begin working on since its begun to get warm. He needs to tear down much of the deck work my Father did maybe 40 years ago so it can be replaced w/ wood that is not rotting and buckling making it very treacherous for my dragging feet to walk over. Today was the beginning of that project for him and he was taking down the lattice work rails. I wanted to either be out there with him or inside accomplishing some things to help our house seem tidied up.
But I soon found myself laying on my bed crying. I don’t cry! {Seriously it’s just not my normal response} Yet I was and needed to quickly get over it, knowing that Tommy finding me crying would break his heart. (of course he knows me all to well and would later see that I had been) I prayed, I ask God to please please help me focus on others and gain the strength I needed just to enjoy some home time w/ my wonderful husband. I took some meds that I am prescribed for MS fatigue- this I apparently don’t do enough.. somehow thinking that taking the drugs is going to turn into something I have to do to get through the day, and THIS I DON’T WANT. But I knew I needed the help today.
Because of your prayers, my prayers and the meds, things began to come together. I was able to send a card to a dear sister who has recently lost her Mother. I was able to reach out to some online who I know are hurting and needed prayer and a kind word. I was able to make Tommy some nice ice tea and prepare him some food. Several things got done. I laid down thinking I would now be exhausted for the afternoon/evening. Right away our niece and her precious son stopped in. He’s so cute see the pictures below:
Our precious Great Nephew Eli
After they left I said to Tommy “put your shoes back on.. we’re going to get the groceries we need” This was something Tommy had wanted me to do last night and I was unable.
While at the store Breanna (Granddaughter) telephoned to see if we wanted her to come over to spend the night before church tomorrow. Initially I told her that Granny was just not feeling so well and that we’d try to pick her up on the way to church tomorrow. Well she then reminded me with the sweetest voice “Remember- before you call the Dr. Call me because I’m your good medicine”
"Remember before you call the Dr. Call me- I'm good medicine"
Oh how we love that child. We called and picked her up on the way home from the grocery. She’s tucked in beside me sound to sleep. And you know what? I’m at the moment feeling better and very thankful that I was able to accomplish some things today.
Many people who deal w/ chronic illness find that even talking on the phone is too much effort. I’ve heard people say that it’s way easier for them to type than to talk, and sometimes that is my situation. I cannot explain the fatigue associated with multiple sclerosis…. Except to say that the air itself is heavy. Every movement even thought is done through weighted air. So it’s not that one is tired or sleepy.. but just unable to move through that heavy thick air to do the things I want to do. And when I’m having a particularly rough time due to fever or the heat outside then it is even hard for me to sit upright. That’s when I’m horizontal or sideways surfing.
That’s my story for today and I know some who will surely relate.
“Remember your word to your servant
in which you have made me hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction,that your promise gives me life.
Before I was afflicted I went astray,
but now I keep your word.
You are good and do good;
teach me your statutes, with my whole heart I keep your precepts;but I delight in your law.
It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes.
The law of your mouth is better to me
than thousands of gold and silver pieces.
Your hands have made and fashioned me;
give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.
Those who fear you shall see me and rejoice,
because I have hoped in your word.
I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous,
and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
Let your steadfast love comfort me
according to your promise to your servant.
Let your mercy come to me, that I may live;
for your law is my delight.
Forever, O Lord, your word
is firmly fixed in the heavens.
Your faithfulness endures to all generations;
you have established the earth, and it stands fast.
By your appointment they stand this day,
for all things are your servants.
If your law had not been my delight,
I would have perished in my affliction.
I will never forget your precepts,
for by them you have given me life.
I am yours; save me,
for I have sought your precepts.
I am severely afflicted;
give me life, O Lord, according to your word!
Accept my freewill offerings of praise, O Lord,
and teach me your rules.
I hold my life in my hand continually,
but I do not forget your law.
I rise before dawn and cry for help;
I hope in your words.
My eyes are awake before the watches of the night,
that I may meditate on your promise.
Hear my voice according to your steadfast love;
O Lord, according to your justice give me life.”
Verses Quoted from Psalm 119 ESV
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