After falling asleep earlier than usual I’d hoped to wake feeling well enough to enjoy doing some things around the house with Tommy today.  If you only knew how selflessly good he is to me you might also know why I desire to feel my best to make the time we’re able to spend together blessed.

Yet, when I awoke I was very sore and achy.The lower backache that so often goes along with a urinary tract infection. And if I had a uti that would explain my serious fatigue of recent. Also would be the explanation for the night up with bladder spasms earlier this week. Sadly this morning things were worse. The fatigue, the pain, the lack of ability.  The sun shining outside only caused me more disappointment regarding my inabilities.   Tommy is so kind, he just wants me to be happy. Even propped up on the sofa with my mac or my ipad.  If he knows I’m enjoying myself in any way and content- he’s happy.   He was working in the back yard with a project he’s desired to begin working on since its begun to get warm.  He needs to tear down much of the deck work my Father did maybe 40 years ago so it can be replaced w/ wood that is not rotting and buckling making it very treacherous  for my dragging feet to walk over. Today was the beginning of that project for him and he was taking down the lattice work rails. I wanted to either be out there with him or inside accomplishing some things to help our house seem tidied up.

But I soon found myself laying on my bed crying. I don’t cry! {Seriously it’s just not my normal response} Yet I was and needed to quickly get over it, knowing that Tommy finding me crying would break his heart.  (of course he knows me all to well and would later see that I had been) I prayed, I ask God to please please help me focus on others and gain the strength I needed just to enjoy some home time w/ my wonderful husband.  I took some meds that I am prescribed for MS fatigue- this I apparently don’t do enough.. somehow thinking that taking the drugs is going to turn into something I have to do to get through the day, and THIS I DON’T WANT.  But I knew I needed the help today.

Because of your prayers, my prayers and the meds, things began to come together.  I was able to send a card to a dear sister who has recently lost her Mother.  I was able to reach out to some online who I know are hurting and needed prayer and a kind word.  I was able to make Tommy some nice ice tea and prepare him some food.  Several things got done.  I laid down thinking I would now be exhausted for the afternoon/evening. Right away  our niece and her precious son stopped in. He’s so cute see the pictures below:

Our precious Great Nephew Eli

After they left  I said to Tommy “put your shoes back on.. we’re going to get the groceries we need”  This was something Tommy had wanted me to do last night and I was unable.

While at the store Breanna (Granddaughter) telephoned to see if we wanted her to come over to spend the night before church tomorrow. Initially I told her that Granny was just not feeling so well and that we’d try to pick her up on the way to church tomorrow. Well she then reminded me with the sweetest voice “Remember- before you call the Dr. Call me because I’m your good medicine”

"Remember before you call the Dr. Call me- I'm good medicine"

Oh how we love that child. We called and picked her up on the way home from the grocery.  She’s tucked in beside me sound to sleep. And you know what? I’m at the moment feeling better and very thankful that I was able to accomplish some things today.

Many people who deal w/ chronic illness find that even talking on the phone is too much effort. I’ve heard people say that it’s way easier for them to type than to talk, and sometimes that is my situation. I cannot explain the fatigue associated with multiple sclerosis…. Except to say that the air itself is heavy.  Every movement even thought is done through weighted air.  So it’s not that one is tired or sleepy.. but just unable to move through that heavy thick air to do the things I want to do. And when I’m having a particularly rough time due to fever or the heat outside then it is even hard for me to sit upright.  That’s when I’m horizontal or sideways surfing.

That’s my story for today and I know some who will surely relate.

“Remember your word to your servant

in which you have made me hope.

This is my comfort in my affliction,that your promise gives me life.

Before I was afflicted I went astray,

but now I keep your word.

You are good and do good;

teach me your statutes, with my whole heart I keep your precepts;but I delight in your law.

It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes.
The law of your mouth is better to me
than thousands of gold and silver pieces.

Your hands have made and fashioned me;

give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.

Those who fear you shall see me and rejoice,
because I have hoped in your word.
I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous,
and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
Let your steadfast love comfort me
according to your promise to your servant.
Let your mercy come to me, that I may live;
for your law is my delight.

Forever, O Lord, your word
is firmly fixed in the heavens.
Your faithfulness endures to all generations;
you have established the earth, and it stands fast.
By your appointment they stand this day,
for all things are your servants.
If your law had not been my delight,
I would have perished in my affliction.
I will never forget your precepts,
for by them you have given me life.
I am yours; save me,
for I have sought your precepts.

I am severely afflicted;
give me life, O Lord, according to your word!
Accept my freewill offerings of praise, O Lord,
and teach me your rules.
I hold my life in my hand continually,
but I do not forget your law.

I rise before dawn and cry for help;
I hope in your words.
My eyes are awake before the watches of the night,
that I may meditate on your promise.
Hear my voice according to your steadfast love;
O Lord, according to your justice give me life.”

Verses Quoted from Psalm 119 ESV

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Lately I’ve been scanning and posting pictures that consist of nearly four decades of history from a church that began in a barn in our local community. Many people who passed through the doors of the houses or the barn or ultimately the buildings this church has called home have memories that are precious and go very deep. I’ve noticed comments on these albums (which have been posted on a face book group called “Light of the World Fellowship/Calvary Chapel of Evansville“) have been expressing a deep longing for what once was.

God has and continues a divine work through this little part of His body. I’ve often referred to this church as a spiritual train depot. God brings people through and while they’ve stopped, they have either been used mightily by Him to minister to those who remain in this church, or those who call this church their home are used to minister and draw the temporary visitors closer to the Lord Jesus before they move on in their journey.

This ministry has always been a powerful one. The teaching unusually balanced and sound. The worship uniquely precious and moving.

My heart is burdened for those who have found themselves somehow longing for those times rather than focusing on the things that God is doing now and the blessed hope of the glory that shall be revealed.

I have been longing for heaven, when we will forever experience all the above and be in His presence The One who Was and is and is yet to come!

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him”—
these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit.” 1 Corinthians 10: 9-10

And “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is youra life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” Colossians 3:1-4

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There is loneliness to suffering.

No one can come with you
Although others may sense your pain ~ they cannot feel it. Nor should they.

Shedding of tears is indeed a spiritual experience. For only my God knows and holds my every drop.
My heart can only empty upon Him who is my portion.

Loneliness is selfish indulgence.

God has not called us to dwell on ourselves, but to esteem others more highly than ourselves ~
Yet it is alone we are birthed, and it is alone we suffer, and alone we die.

Thy Word assures me that the creator of heaven and earth, has known me from before my beginning, before I was formed in my Mother’s womb He knew my name.

He knows my comings and my goings. He is aware of my most inward parts. His mercies are new every morning.
 
I cry out!! He alone hears!

My help comes from the hills.

My hope is in the Ancient of days both now and forever!”

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You know some how we’re conditioned that to use a crutch is a sign of weakness?

But Tommy has been encouraging me to use the cane more often as he knows I hesitate to do things with the family that will require much walking, especially in the dark.

In stores I always grab the cart because it gives me the security I desire along with something to lean on.

But yesterday when we went to the Fall Festival and I took the cane (it is a special cain as it was not only my Father’s but his Father’s before that)

I was amazed how much more secure I felt walking in the crowded street at the fall festival.

I’ve decided that a cane is something to be thankful for. Now maybe I’ll have an artist friend (Robin.. Robin) paint something pretty on it because it is just plain wood.

So if you see me with a cane… just know that I am choosing to add stability and fearlessness to my life.

Maybe I’ll encourage someone else that using a cane is not a bad thing but an added help… and maybe life can be enjoyed more w/o being worried about missing a step all the time.

Max Lucado’s newest book “Fearless” is timely, encouraging and exceptionally easy to read.

Some of the chapter subtitles are as follows:

Fear of Not Mattering

Fear of Disappointing God

Fear of Running Out

Fear of Not protecting our children

Fear of Dying

Fear that God is Not Real

Max takes these all too common fears and shares the scripture verses to give the

reader the spiritual tools to over come and live in trust and assurance of God’s love and promises.

I love how Max can simplify complex topics by breaking them down to easy to grasp pieces.

No new revelations to be found in this book. Just a re-examine of the truths that
give us the assurance to live in peace even in the midst of life’s storms.

This would be a good book to share with a small group for the encouragement it
provides. Included is a discussion guide to facilitate small group study and discussion.

Previously I’d not read many of Max Lucado’s books; That is about to change!

Additional content and information about Fearless are available at The Fearless Book Site, and readers are invited to share their stories, pictures and words of encouragement there.

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