Found my diary entry from July 31, 1978! I’m leaving the spelling and grammar as it was written:
“Yes its true. I have accepted Jesus as my Saviour!”
I have very mixed emotions about this. Although deep down I know I’m glad and at peace about this decision. But on the outside I am a little scared and skeptical. I will pray that this decision will not hurt my family. Tom is scared too. I can see it- he’s afraid I’ll get too involved and freak out like Danny *his brother* or our neighbors- Mary & Dave. But I feel this will be a very personal thing for me. I believe I will be a better person with my new found faith in Christ.
Today was a very trying day after making this decision. Tony’s cutting teeth and I’ve just been worn out emotionally.
I’m going to pray that I will be able to cope with these children better. And I am going to be a better person. I know I may sound crazy, but I think this is what I’ve needed. It’s just all so new & strange to me. I’m excited and afraid at the same time. I know things will change. I know it’s for the best. I’m confident that Tom will soon convert or see the light and then I’m sure life will be richer for all of us. He’ll have to make the decision on his own, so I will not push him.
Today I believe I was a bad example of a newly saved Christian. Only because I was excited, confused and emotionally tired. But I’ve prayed tonight and feel much better about my decision.
I knew this would be a special day for me. I knew I’d likely accept Jesus today. I know it sounds strange and you must think that someone has “gotten to me”, but I’ve done this all on my own. We did visit a church last weekend. It was all young people in blue jeans or whatever. They looked like regular freaks. But they were so sincere and into it. No one in this church pushed Jesus on us. They weren’t totally crazy like those Penticostals. They were real down to earth.
Last night I started reading the book 666 by Salem Kirban. Corky gave it to me a couple weeks ago. Its all about the revelation and the rappture and the tribulation times to come. I’m actually believing these things to be true. Something is impressing “truth” in my heart.
I’m not going to flip out and start preaching to everyone (although I really hope Tom will see these things also).
So at the end of the book there is this “invitation” asking you to pray and recieve Jesus as your Saviour. Believing that He is real and that He died for you and bled for you and then rose again to live evermore at the right hand of God. It said if you believe this is true in your heart then you need to ask Him in your heart.. asking Him to forgive you for your sins and give you new life eternal in Him.
Well I did it! I knew I should. I don’t know what the future holds.. but I know it is about Jesus Christ and living forever.”
No one can come with you
Although others may sense your pain ~ they cannot feel it. Nor should they.
Shedding of tears is indeed a spiritual experience. For only my God knows and holds my every drop.
My heart can only empty upon Him who is my portion.
Loneliness is selfish indulgence.
God has not called us to dwell on ourselves, but to esteem others more highly than ourselves ~ Yet it is alone we are birthed, and it is alone we suffer, and alone we die.
Thy Word assures me that the creator of heaven and earth, has known me from before my beginning, before I was formed in my Mother’s womb He knew my name.
He knows my comings and my goings. He is aware of my most inward parts. His mercies are new every morning. I cry out!! He alone hears!
My help comes from the hills.
My hope is in the Ancient of days both now and forever!”
I fell in love with this man when I was in 8th grade. Really! He was from a close knit family who literally lived on the other side of the rail road tracks. My parents weren’t happy. #1 because I was too young for love and #2 because of his social economic class– concerned I could never be happy without a fellow who would have lots of money to care for me.
He left town the day he turned 16 to join the Merchant Marines. My heart was broken. But while he was away I did all l could to help him remember me. I bought his high school pictures and sent them to his Mother. (always good to get on the Mom’s good side)
I wrote him letters regularly. (not even realizing that he was pretty much unable to read.. a fellow friend in the Merchant Marines seamanship school read my letters to Tommy and wrote letters back to me that Tommy copied and sent)
Ultimately he returned home before shipping out. I will always be grateful for an older man (maybe he was 30 LOL) who told Tommy that this was not the life he should peruse. He told Tommy that if there was a girl back home who loved him to return and make the most of it.
I was a sophomore in high school when Tommy came back. And he suddenly looked so mature and grown up.
We ran away to be married on Easter Sunday of 1973. Of course no judge in his right mind would marry us. We ended up hiding out in a cave under High Knob at Shawnee National Forest. We slept in his car at night and finally had to sell his spare tire to get $5.00 for gas and the oil that his car seemed to use more of than gas.
When we ran completely out of money… (about 3 weeks) we returned to our home town. I called my parents and boy was I in trouble. They said they would not sign for us to be married ever. And my Mother being the director of Planned Parenthood at the time only wanted to get me on the birth control pill.
Tommy found a job at a tire shop. I slept in his car (hiding) in the tire shop parking lot during his working hours. Sometimes I ventured to a “head shop” called Folz City in downtown Evansville. (walking.. remember I was too young to drive)
Tommy’s boss gave him a couple weeks pay in advance. So we found an apartment. I remember well it was $25.00 per week yet we paid $30.00 for 5 weeks to get our required deposit paid for.
Once settled (it was a furnished apt) I wanted to get back to my high school. I walked there one day and they told me that unless I was in school the following week they would arrest my parents for child neglect. I had to be in school either living at home with my legal guardians or married.
So I called my Mother and with the legal action coming down on them and their seeing how determined I was they decided to go and sign a waver for us to be married.
We had a wedding at Tommy’s Grand Mother’s house. I have no pictures as the only one who brought a camera forgot her film!!
My parents showed up quite upset.
Long story short.. our love has continued and grown. My parents ultimately feel in love with Tommy as well. After three years we had our first son and just a year later our second.
Tommy has been my best friend and closest family for my entire life.
I do not regret our early marriage. Because had I waited he may have not been available.
And now 35 years later.. and dealing with chronic illness, I’ve found this dear man to be so selfless and giving that I am just falling in love with him more.
When I was twenty one years old I got saved after reading a book titled “666″ by Salem Kirban. It wasn’t for a couple of decades that Tommy also was born again. And it is just recently that he is beginning to desire even a closer walk with Jesus.
“The rich and poor meet together; the Lord is the maker of them all” Proverbs 22:2
“Let thy mercies come unto me, O Lord, even thy salvation, according to thy word.” Psalm 119:41
“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” Romans 15:13
I was paying attention in the 1980s and 1990s during the United States “War against drugs”. The slogan of course was Just Say No
I saw first hand people who ruined their lives by becoming addicts. Both with rereational illegial drugs and prescription drugs.
I was addicted to cigarettes for decades. The adults I was exposed to as a child were all alcholics. Every special occasion was celebrated by having drinks. And every evening began with “Happy Hour”. I had a few years of my adult life when I drank and did not have control over my drinking. Ultimately I was delivered from the desire to both drink and smoke.
But along comes multiple sclerosis and the multitude of symptoms that come along with it. (isn’t that what MS stands for?)
I have been in a battle regarding the use of pharmaceuticals since my diagnosis in 2003. There are drugs for the pain associated, the stiffness that can make walking difficult, drugs to help with sleep and the all important drugs to fight the paralyzing fatigue.
I’ve posted a picture before of my load of medications. I’ve fought to only take drugs when I felt they were really needed.
However my quality of life has become more and more difficult without the help of these tools.
My Neurologist has often said “Why don’t you take what actually makes your life better on a consistant basis?” It was because I did not want to be dependent upon pills to get through my days (and nights).
I am coming to the conclusion that I need these drugs. And to try to be the person who doesn’t need medication to get through the day is literally a dead end street for me.
Today I didn’t have the strength to get moving and ready to attend a Bible study that I was looking forward to. I’d been down with fever & fatigue for several days before finally enjoying a good day and a half.
Yet here I was again unable to accomplish those things required to be independent or even to do just what I was looking forward to.
There are several different drugs for MS fatigue. I find if I take any of them on a regular basis they don’t help much. So I have to switch around from one type to another. Yet I still didn’t take any on a regular basis. I was only taking them when there were special things I needed to do.
At nearly eleven a.m. I took an amphetamine. By noon I was finally getting my shower and making the bed.
Ultimately I’ve gotten some things done around the house and feel some what accomplished.
Having the help of pharmaceutcals is a blessing. Who would want to spend days on end being “horizontal” when there is a way out? I’m no addict.. I have multiple sclerosis. So there! I’ve convinced myself.
And I’ve come to a new decision regarding taking drugs.. for me it’s “Just say Yes!”
When I got the news that I’d be sent a plane ticket to spend a week in Texas at the GeekBrief.TV studio I was so excited. And really hoped to also make time to meet with another video podcasting family Dave & Kat Curlee from CookingWithKat.
Soon we decided that I’d be “Switched from Cali & Neal’s home to the Curlee home for a Saturday night and Sunday morning for church.
Again I was so entirely blessed to stay with folks I knew from their podcast and our relationship on twitter and facebook yet had never met in person. The Curlee’s are parents to two precious little girls Jayna and Jillian.
I felt like I’d known these sweet folks all my life. Little Jayna even gave up her bedroom for “Granny Martha” to have a place to sleep.
We spent some time driving around the area, and Dave showed me the new Dallas Cowboy Stadium and Ballpark at Arlington.
To top off our visit besides touring more of the DFW area and taking my first trip to an IKEA store we actually shot a Cooking With Kat show. This was too much fun to be involved in yet another fun video podcast.
Here is the episode we made together.. hope you enjoy
Do you remember last year when Tommy & I had some people stay with us that we’d never met in real life? Gabe and Marla Taviano and their children?
We’d gotten to know one another through Gabe’s podcast God’sMac Anyway.. Marla is an Author.. and felt lead by God to write a book called 52 zoos * 52zoos * And they have 3 little (beautiful) girls.. and felt that this was of the Lord.. so He would provide.
We were one family of many around the country who had the pleasure of having the Taviano family stay in our home so they could tour our zoo.
They accomplished this 52 zoos in 52 weeks on the 1st of Aug.
They’ve had a lot of publicity since. One thing Marla had hoped was to get to fly the family to California to go to their zoos. But that did not work out.. they drove 22 thousand miles total!
But today their flying dream came true as God has planned for them to be on the Early Show tomorrow on CBS!
This is so exciting.. but also a huge prayer request.. These folks want to give God the Glory.. so will you pray for their interview tomorrow?
Thank you
Here is a link to Gabe’s blog post about the trip: Gabe’sBlog
