I wrote this a couple of weeks before my Mother died. I had moved in with her to care for her during the final two months of her life. I was able to share with her what I’d written and she smiled:

This Rose is for you Mother

What I’ve learned from my Mother:

I have learned that her heart is bigger than I’d ever given her credit for.

I have learned that God’s grace transcends our circumstances.

I have learned that one can suffer to the point of death while still considering the needs of others before oneself.

I have learned that is indeed more blessed to give than to receive.

I have learned not to fret the small things.

I have learned that it is possible to endure very difficult things without complaining.

I have learned the importance of family.

I have learned how insignificant material things are.

I have learned how swiftly this life passes by.

I am still learning to live by faith rather than by sight.

I am learning how to be humble.

I am learning how to be a servant.

I kept a blog of emails during the two months I lived with Mother titled “My Mother’s Journey towards death”
It is a compilation of emails I sent to friends who were praying and their email replies. The unique thing was that my Mother did not believe in God. Yet at the end she took up a proposition of a very good friend of her’s to ask if He exists.

Pondering why I of all people might am able to comprehend with all the saints the significance of this holy day season.

Why me

I was raised by loving and intelligent parents who did not see a need for a Savior.

Easter was about gathering with family for a time of eating, drinking and as children hunting easter eggs.  I always got a new dress, never understanding why.

There is no reason in the natural as to why I am now in awe of the divine sacrifice God made by sending His son Jesus Christ to die and shed His blood on behalf of my need.

Yet, I have been redeemed by His blood.  Because He died I shall live forevermore.

There is  nothing I could have done to obtain so great a salvation.  ”So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.” (Rom 9:16)

Even to believe this truth is beyond my finite mind.  It is by His Word that I have faith to know. (Rom 10:17)

Why me?  ”Because he chose me before the foundations of the world to be perfect in His presence.” (Eph 1:4)

“Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift.” (2 Corinthians 9:15)

“But there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

Nearing the end of worship at church Tommy left the sanctuary to get Breanna from Sunday school so she could partake of communion with us.

I’ve been dealing with extra fatigue as of recent; thus I was purposely not standing while praising God like I normally do.

One of my precious friends was sitting next to me.  She began to get up for a song and noticed that I wasn’t standing. Instead of getting up she reached her hand over and grasp mine. She and I praised the Lord in song together.

Her gesture was filled with Christ Jesus Himself.

Later today  I began to ponder the depth of the love we share as brothers and sisters in Christ and joint heirs together with Israel together in the inheritance promised by the Messiah Jesus through the gospel.  I’ve experienced this tangible expression of love at other times with friends. And it’s always been with those who are my brothers and sisters!  I began to feel sad for people who don’t share in such a depth of closeness either with friends or their own families.

Are you lonely? Have you a friend who sticks closer than a brother?  Do you know that becoming a part of the body of Christ allows you immediate access to such relationships?  When you receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior you immediately are born into a family of believers.  It’s something I honestly don’t think the world (non-believers) are able to grasp.

Yet my sister expressed that tangible love towards me today and I am simply touched.

Comfort of home

Here is a bit of my history of turning away after knowing.

After finding salvation through Jesus, maybe a decade or so later.. I lost my way.

It began innocently enough. I began drinking to numb some hurts regarding being literally the only one in my entire family who desired Jesus. Watching my Dad have a miraculous recovery from a devastating stroke yet seeing that he still denied the existence of God.

I began the party lifestyle that I had never experienced (because I was married at 15.. then gave birth to two children before I was 20 and became a Christian) So I gradually moved more into the world and away from Christianity.

I remember well talking w/ my very concerned pastor at the time and telling him that I knew he only saw black & white but that I was seeing gray and that I could no longer remain in a “church” situation that was so narrow.. I still believed in Jesus and was confident about my eternal destiny.

About two years into my “compromise” I found this verse:

“The man that wanders from the way of understanding will find himself in the congregation of the dead.” Proverbs 21:16

This shook me! It was upon seeing that verse that I realized I indeed had fallen away.

At the same time I found myself missing “Worship with the saints”(Oh it was so good back then)

Alcohol by then had overcome my self control. I was drinking every day, hiding the liquor from my husband & kids. I realized the harm in this and had decided to drink only on the weekends. This is not a stab at drinking- some people certainly enjoy a glass of wine or a drink without being in sin. I cannot.

I was riding my bike over by my church building and saw my Pastor outside. I stopped to talk to him and told him of my longing to worship with the congregation again. Yet I wanted him to know that I was not going to be a hypocrite and he needed to know that I still planned to drink. Of course he said.. “just come sister..we’d love to have you”.

So I came back just to worship. Within a couple of weeks I realized I couldn’t get to church due to the severe hangovers I had from my Saturday night drinking. (remember I’d given it up except for the weekends) I had such a hangover one Sunday I ask the Lord to relieve it enough for me to go worship and I would consider returning to Him fully yielded.

He did! During that morning’s worship I experienced such a communion with my precious Papa and realized I was never going to drink again. I came home and informed my sweet not “saved” non-drinking pot-head husband this news. No doubt he thought *ok I’ve heard THAT before*.

But by the grace of God I was set free. And my return to the sheep fold has been like having been alienated from your best friend or your closest family and then being reunited. It has been divine. My faith is sure and my resolve is firm. I’ve been in the darkness and I’ve been in the Light. No matter how “comfortable we manage to make our presentation, the two are not compatible. Light ALWAYS overcomes darkness.

I’m thankful that I never got to the point that I could deny who Jesus is or the work He had already accomplished in me.

Joy unspeakable!  Joy unspeakable and perfect peace.. if indeed you have tasted.. Nothing else satisfies.

1st Thessalonians 5:23-24

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it”.

]]> http://switchinggranny.com/have-you-ever-turned-away-after-knowing-jesus-i-did/feed 2 http://switchinggranny.com/set-your-minds-on-things-above http://switchinggranny.com/set-your-minds-on-things-above#comments Fri, 14 Jan 2011 18:57:57 +0000 SwitchingGranny http://switchinggranny.com/?p=244

Lately I’ve been scanning and posting pictures that consist of nearly four decades of history from a church that began in a barn in our local community. Many people who passed through the doors of the houses or the barn or ultimately the buildings this church has called home have memories that are precious and go very deep. I’ve noticed comments on these albums (which have been posted on a face book group called “Light of the World Fellowship/Calvary Chapel of Evansville“) have been expressing a deep longing for what once was.

God has and continues a divine work through this little part of His body. I’ve often referred to this church as a spiritual train depot. God brings people through and while they’ve stopped, they have either been used mightily by Him to minister to those who remain in this church, or those who call this church their home are used to minister and draw the temporary visitors closer to the Lord Jesus before they move on in their journey.

This ministry has always been a powerful one. The teaching unusually balanced and sound. The worship uniquely precious and moving.

My heart is burdened for those who have found themselves somehow longing for those times rather than focusing on the things that God is doing now and the blessed hope of the glory that shall be revealed.

I have been longing for heaven, when we will forever experience all the above and be in His presence The One who Was and is and is yet to come!

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him”—
these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit.” 1 Corinthians 10: 9-10

And “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is youra life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” Colossians 3:1-4

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Found my diary entry from July 31, 1978!  I’m leaving the spelling and grammar as it was written:

“Yes its true. I have accepted Jesus as my Saviour!”

I have very mixed emotions about this. Although deep down I know I’m glad and at peace about this decision. But on the outside I am a little scared and skeptical. I will pray that this decision will not hurt my family. Tom is scared too. I can see it- he’s afraid I’ll get too involved and freak out like Danny *his brother* or our neighbors- Mary & Dave. But I feel this will be a very personal thing for me. I believe I will be a better person with my new found faith in Christ.

Today was a very trying day after making this decision. Tony’s cutting teeth and I’ve just been worn out emotionally.

I’m going to pray that I will be able to cope with these children better. And I am going to be a better person. I know I may sound crazy, but I think this is what I’ve needed. It’s just all so new & strange to me. I’m excited and afraid at the same time. I know things will change. I know it’s for the best. I’m confident that Tom will soon convert or see the light and then I’m sure life will be richer for all of us. He’ll have to make the decision on his own, so I will not push him.

Today I believe I was a bad example of a newly saved Christian. Only because I was excited, confused and emotionally tired. But I’ve prayed tonight and feel much better about my decision.

I knew this would be a special day for me. I knew I’d likely accept Jesus today. I know it sounds strange and you must think that someone has “gotten to me”, but I’ve done this all on my own. We did visit a church last weekend. It was all young people in blue jeans or whatever. They looked like regular freaks. But they were so sincere and into it. No one in this church pushed Jesus on us. They weren’t totally crazy like those Penticostals. They were real down to earth.

Last night I started reading the book 666 by Salem Kirban. Corky gave it to me a couple weeks ago. Its all about the revelation and the rappture  and  the tribulation times to come. I’m actually believing these things to be true. Something is impressing “truth” in my heart.

I’m not going to flip out and start preaching to everyone (although I really hope Tom will see these things also).

So at the end of the book there is this “invitation” asking you to pray and recieve Jesus as your Saviour. Believing that He is real and that He died for you and bled for you and then rose again to live evermore at the right hand of God. It said if you believe this is true in your heart then you need to ask Him in your heart.. asking Him to forgive you for your sins and give you new life eternal in Him.

Well I did it! I knew I should. I don’t know what the future holds.. but I know it is about Jesus Christ and living forever.”